My Journey On Upward, the Christian Dating App
I want to start this by saying something important:
This isn’t a hit piece.
I didn’t join Upward to “test the app for business reasons.” I joined it as a Christian woman navigating the same dating landscape as everyone else. I wanted to see what was out there. I wanted to be open. And honestly? I wanted to be surprised—in a good way.
What I found instead was clarity.
Not bitterness. Not discouragement. Just clarity.
First Impressions: Good Prompts, Dated Feel
Upward feels… old.
The interface itself feels behind, but I will give credit where it’s due: the prompts are actually thoughtful. They invite depth. They give people a real opportunity to express faith, values, and personality.
The problem is that the prompts aren’t enforced.
I came across a lot of empty profiles—no Scripture, no effort, no real information. That’s where the filtering breaks down. You can’t discern compatibility if people aren’t required to show up fully.
So while the prompts could make up for weak filtering, they only work when users actually use them.
The Group Chats: A Love/Hate Experience
This is where things got complicated.
The idea behind group chats is solid. Community can be powerful. Discussion can be healthy. But in practice, the execution felt… messy.
1. The Tone Problem
People trash each other. A lot.
Men and women alike.
Instead of fostering understanding, the groups often became places of venting, blaming, and piling on. That’s not on the app itself—that’s on the culture users bring into the space.
2. Heavy Moderation, Little Clarity
Admins ban people quickly. I personally never had an issue, but I saw others removed for simply stating opinions. There didn’t seem to be a clear line, which created tension and fear of speaking honestly.
3. The Gender Divide Got Wider
This part bothered me the most.
Men were grouped together and often bonded by tearing down women who rejected them or didn’t swipe right. Meanwhile, women weren’t even thinking about those men in their own private groups.
At the same time, women would sometimes enter men’s spaces asking things like “Where are the real men?”—which, honestly, is a red-flag question in itself.
Instead of building bridges, the group feature often deepened the divide.
Bots, Burnout, and a Thin User Pool
Another recurring issue: bots.
Men frequently complained about bots engaging and then disappearing.
The same users showed up repeatedly across groups.
Many people expressed frustration about paying for features that didn’t lead anywhere.
And the most telling part?
In the entire month I spent observing and participating, I saw:
One successful date
Three unsuccessful ones
Very few real success stories being shared organically
There may have been others—but from what was visible, momentum felt thin.
Final Thoughts: Why I Stepped Away
I didn’t leave Upward angry.
I left because it didn’t feel fruitful.
Dating apps promise efficiency, but faith, discernment, and connection don’t scale well. They require presence. Accountability. Context. Community.
That’s why I believe—in-person dating, intentional spaces, and guided environments work better. Not perfectly. Not magically. But more honestly.
Apps aren’t evil.
They’re just limited.
And love deserves more than a limited system.
